C'est la Vie
So I lay in my bed unable to sleep and I’m constantly consumed by thoughts that haunt me but I rarely think of. I don’t open up. Ever. It leaves me vulnerable. It’s sad I open up more to random strangers than I would my closest friends. Getting dumped twice in a matter of one year is possibly one of the worst feelings ever. Especially when you fought for it to work. Whats worse is one is a repeat offender. Getting left for another girl is worse! And I’ve had that happen twice to me so far. I feel betrayed. I feel like no feeling can be worse, not even cheating. Because at least then you know he still wanted you somehow. Wanted you enough not to leave you. And no matter what they say “you’re awesome, perfect even, I just don’t think its fair…” Shouldn’t I decide that? And they wonder why I’m so screwed up. Why I’m closed off, unaffectionate, and refuse to open up to them. Because in the end they all leave you.. and I’m supposed to start over again? Open up to being wounded again? No thank you, I’ll keep to myself. I’ve been playing with a concept in my head. HONESTY. just be straightforward with what you want! No games or mind tricks. If this is temporary let me know, if you’re figuring it out fine, if I should hope for more, great! But don’t leave me guessing and trying to perfect my mind reading skills because odds are I’ll get igual wrong.. just tell me and I’ll accept it. I’m sure a lot of people would agree. Lastly another concept: LOVE. it exists, but only in the minds of women and Nicholas Sparks novels. Women feel love. Lust for love. Search endlessly for it and pour themselves into that feeling in hopes its reciprocated. Men understand the concept of love but rarely feel it. They just know they should. The proof is in the months a girl cries over a break up, even if were her own choice in comparison to the weeks a man treads through a break up until a new interest appears. Definitely considering writing this book. So word of advice: ladies: men mean exactly what they say. Men: say it more often so we stop trying to look for signals. Trust me no matter how blunt a girl will appreciate the honesty.
